Just Keep Swimming

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It’s about 11:30 pm and I really should have been asleep a long time ago. Instead I find myself watching the baby monitor like a hawk perched high… I do this nightly by the way.

She will sleep occasionally all night long, it’s magic when that happens. Most of the time she just tosses and turns and I go in just for reassurance.

However recently she had started something new… getting out of her bed and coming into ours in the middle of the night. I’ll squeak one eye open and watch her with a huge smile climb up and nestle right in between Chad and myself.

It’s pretty hard to be upset even though I’m a complete zombie and realize it’s 3am around those times.

I know I should put her right back in her bed but I’ll admit, I don’t. Instead I feel like it’s those moments I deserve… I tell myself I earned the right to cuddle a child who is always on the move, always going. She does like to hug and be held, but when she is completely still it’s amazing. I take full advantage of those moments.

I have found myself with more and more thoughts again lately about her and life. You know the usual things that I talk about, where will I be 5 years from now?.. and where will see be developmentally?.. we always have it so different.

There are my friends, co-workers, family members and even strangers running around life with their little ones and the hurdles they face are there don’t get me wrong but so different in the hurdles we jump.

Kind of makes it hard not to think too much, or not to get too worked up over the future. Right now we are focusing on paying off debt, and working on us as a family. We do our best to survive, but the system is a little different when you have a “special needs” child. Some things are handed and others well it’s not what you might think or assume.

No we do not get that, oh and nope sorry not this either lol… sometimes I laugh at the thoughts people I know have… I wish it was that easy for us because it would be easier for her. And I think about what happens when we are gone and this amazing little child is left with no one to advocate for her???… man that cuts deep.

Right now she just started a new ABA outfit and I’m really excited! The previous place offered 4 hrs a week. The new one is offering her around 25 hrs a week. This mom is so happy about that. She also starts school again soon and SLP therapy on top of her already OT therapy. We are a busy family needless to say.

My husband and I both work full time, have the kids both in school and miss McKinley has a full schedule of therapy while Savy has dance (she is really good at it too) and Chad continues to find time to mountain bike while I run…. We are also trying to get back in touch with friends again too. Did you go cross eyed yet? it’s a lot, but that is life…

I have recently had to start thinking harder than ever though about being home. That is very hard to swallow, as a family we can’t afford 1 income. And there are not many jobs from home that I can currently find. So this poses as a problem… we have some major changes ahead, wish us luck.

In the meant time we are finally back in fresh air here is Oregon. The summer here is great but we had some awful fires this year, we seem to have them worse every year. This is another thing that was super hard on us as a family.

McKinley does so much better when she is given a chance to go outside and explore. She is happier, she is more content and so are we. Staying indoors was hard, and there is only so much Daniel Tiger this mom can take… I may have cried inside “save me” lol

Well this is life right? I’m happy for each day I awake and get to spend it with my family but I do wish for it to be easier in so many ways… staying positive through it all is my focus… no matter what you are dealing with try to be happy in any way it will help so much! I do it. Until next time -K-

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