autism · Mom Life · motivational

Adulting (with a child with special needs)

Adulting is hard.. You have to support yourself and possibly a family. Pay bills, buy groceries, cook, clean and keep yourself healthy along with your family.. then to top off all of that there is keeping the flow and making sure all are happy and responsible.

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No one said it would be easy when you grow up actually it was always the opposite. I look back and think of all the times I was upset over something and now think… darn I had it good. Most of us can say the same thing about our childhood.. it was easier in ways and sometimes we close our eyes and wish to be back there.

Adulting takes an interesting turn when you add to your flock and have kids.

They take your adventures in Adulting to a whole new level, and all those worries in life multiply and things just seem overwhelming at times. You have to support them too and make sure they are doing the right thing in life, basically shit just got real and real fast…

I often find myself looking at her my little Sunshine and all those wishes I used to have  in life go out the window they now consist of “If I could change the world for you I would…” The judgement and the finger pointers are the ones who I would change, not just for her but for all who need life to be easier when they already don’t have it easy.

Being an adult is like one big freaking chore… Going to work and learning what the catch phrase “Case of the Mondays” really mean is just insane… we all know this now and Office Space was right lol…

Adulting is even harder when your kids have special needs, and that is when you find yourself feeling determined to make this adult life the best for them and not just for you anymore. You live and breathe for them and you want their adult life to be easy…

Having a night out and enjoying the company of friends also gets hard when you have a child who needs you in ways that other parents may not understand. You will find that some of your friends will get it all the way and others may just get away from you period keeping their distance since they can’t grasp what you deal with … to each their own, I have never taken any offense to either but I have had a good team of people in my life who understand. Image result for squad goals

I love my squad even though we may not always be together like we once were, they are good to me and to my little one. It’s hard to always have a good support team or those who “get it”.

Having one on one time with your spouse can get even harder too, you can’t just leave your child with anyone. Especially when your child does have more going on then the kid next door so to speak. Things are different now but you knew this the moment you met your little bundle of joy.

That day when you brought that life into this world and fell in love you knew it would be a challenge, and so the road ahead begins and it doesn’t always feel easy or great. Most days you are freaking wore out, your head wants to explode from all the medical appointments you have made and you just need the strongest coffee ever.

But this is the adventures in parenting a child and Adulting with a new outlook on the world, one you may cry about at times, but there are good days so remember that when all seems lost and your hope has run out you can do this.

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The most time away from McKinley that my husband and I have spent was a total of  3 nights. Last year we went on a camping trip with friends and we try to do this often. Camping is cheap and fun and being outdoors is what we love.

Sometimes we bring her with us..  We have fun and even though she can’t verbalize her experience with us the look on her face and joy she is sharing radiates. She loves being outdoors too.. We try our best but it is rough for us too since her understanding of the world around her is different..

For example the fire at our camp is SOO COOL to her that she would love to touch it and well that is not going to happen… She always puts things in her mouth and doesn’t understand that they may choke her… She is a very picky eater so packing for her for any overnight experience can be a challenge at times… She also wanders, has no depth perception while walking, and is non verbal so if she gets lost she can’t tell someone she is lost.

So for us our adventures take planning and an effort to make sure the environment can be somewhat controlled for her. To keep her safe, that is all any parent wants when they go on a vacation with the littles… have fun be safe and make memories. We accomplish this and it does happen but it’s a lot of work…

We keep her contained (sometimes we actually corral her) and have to bring all the toys and electronic items along to keep her happy too. Every parent has a story with what they do to have fun with and without the kids and that is important to have both experiences.

So yeah I’m the parent with the child at camp with friends and having a good time but my kid is having a blast right there with us in a pack’n’play or a portable metal dog kennel, the kind with no roof that she cant step over and she has room to play and bravo she can not jump into the fire or wander off. And we are right there for her and enjoying her company and the company of others.

And yes, people stare and I’m sure they wonder WTF are those people doing. So I think back to the time I watched the Penguins of Madagascar and how they say “Smile and Wave Boys”… It’s better to move to beat of your own drum and smile at those who don’t want to understand your life. I will speak up when needed and protect my sunshine but I will also adult the best I can…

Adulting is hard, but don’t set that aside in your life try your hardest to make sure you actually can adult sometimes.

 

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