autism · Parenting

Take My Hand

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Every child is unique and important. Each and every single one has a place in this world and they deserve to be lead down the right path…. said no parent ever! Parenting is hard.. we aren’t given an instruction manual… we as parents write it as we go along the journey in life with our kids… and yes sometimes we scream and throw our own tantrums and lets get real… it is not an easy job but we love every moment even the hard ones.. those are the moments we look back on and possibly cry over or relish in the fact that heck yeah I did that, I rock.

I took McKinley to her first day of special needs preschool and let me tell you it was obviously harder on me than her. She practically ran to the door laughing her giggly laugh and walked in.. looked back at me once grabbed my hand and led me to a toy to turn on and then poof it was like I was invisible to her. Needless to say I walked back to my car and a few tears fell but I was also happy that she was so happy to be there.

For us with McKinley it’s a little different since she is so unaware of her surroundings at times I get the sensation that she could walk into a room with strangers and be lost to us in ways… its scary to think that she just floats around and doesn’t seem bothered when left with a complete stranger in a comfortable setting… No I’m not concerned about her being in this school, I’m talking about in general.

If you have a child that wanders or tends to it’s a task to always be watchful and make sure you know where they are and if that door is locked… your mind is constant and if you were to lose your powerful thoughts where would that little person be.. makes me happy that I have it together up there at times….

So yes I think often of how she is with this part of her being and how she handles life situations. The average child if left along in a new setting may be timid or may run for the toys in the corner but generally if taught that new people are strangers they understand that.. my girl has no sense of “stranger danger”

Here are some rather funny yet scary moments I have had with McKinley:

  1. Shopping at a local store just a week ago and she wants to walk around. My husband has the cart so I hold her hand and we walk… she then walks up to a complete stranger while I’m holding her hand and she grabs their hand too… Yes I had a O shit moment.. you never know how others will react or if they washed their hands lol.. it went well luckily but still she has no fear.
  2. We went to the coast on a short vacation and had the chance to go down y the docks to a Saturday market. She was walking without holding our hands with her dad ahead of me… She then sees someone sitting on a bench and goes to them grabbing them to climb up and sits in their lap and takes off their glasses.. Another O shit moment.. and praise that man he laughed and thought she was cute.. But would he have thought that if she was older and did this.. more than likely no and that is a scary thought for me always!

Basically if you have a child with autism who wanders your life is not your own, yes any parent can say this and mean it but for us it’s a daily chore to keep up and we do it in the best way we know how.

We write our own “Parental Manual” as we go and there may be harsh words, prayers and laughter along the way but no matter what we are hard on ourselves for the best reason… our kids. They are everything and we want the best for those little ones…

That saying ” Not all who wander are lost..” I always liked it and kinda still do but for me that is reality because if my girl wanders she is lost and I can’t take that chance. So with all that being said I will be the mom in public with my child as close as possible or maybe even on her leash backpack.. she does have some issues with this due to her form on cerebral palsy so this is hard on her but I need that little gal.. she keeps me grounded in a way that I as a parent value above all….

 

Not all who wander are lost is true some just need a hand to hold and someone to lead the way…..

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