autism · Parenting

Ask Away: To those on the outside who have the courage to ask the unthinkable…

So many questions…

We have all been there… someone asks you something about your child and you are taken back.. you are shocked and you contemplate your response.. Should you kill them with kindness so to speak, do you go down to a different level or do you throw down… It’s hard to deal with sometimes.. people in general are so unpredictable you never know what will come out of ones mouth..

I have been faced with lots of questions as a parent to a child with special needs .. and not all are kind… I mean I have questions of my own I do constantly so to add to my own questions about my child I have to deal with the world around me….

I have been asked some harsh things within the last 3 years, and yes there are moments where I talk back to those with their opinions. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I get it. But when do you reach your limit as a human? How can you justify asking such things?

Things I’ve been asked before:

Q:Did you do drugs to cause this to your daughter? I’ve heard that things like that are caused from drug use…

A: Screw you and No! But thank you for seeing me with my tattoos and thinking I’m some degenerate.  Nope sorry that didn’t happen.

Q: Is she going to be considered to be retarded?

A: Oh no she is not that at all, she is very amazing and you are a worthless retard for asking such a question. (this really happened with a total stranger by the way) …I refrained from throat punching her due to her age lol.

Q: Do you have to medicate her to make her normal? Making her normal would be best right?

A: No and I wont.. and to be honest what the **** is normal anymore… she is fine and happy and I wont turn her into a “vegetable” with medication, it will not fix anything not even your stupidity.

Q: What is wrong with her??

A: Nothing, what is wrong with you?…. (that was my favorite.. the look on the persons face was priceless)

Q: Does she have to drool and make those noises?

A: I’m sure if she could help it she would love to not drool and wet each and every shirt, and if she could form words her noises would be much more bearable for people like you… have a great day.

Q: Why is she not responding to me? Is she all there?

A: She doesn’t respond to a lot of things and people, she is there do not think otherwise…

… All of the questions and answers above really happened to me and I said that to people that I didn’t even know… McKinley is a pretty cute little gal, no I do not say this just because I’m her mother… When we go places people say ” Oh my your daughter is so cute!..” So I have to say thank you and sometimes explain her story to others because they ask Oh so many questions….

I have thrown some curve balls back at people from time to time, like when asked if I used drugs while pregnant, I have told people Oh yes so many I cant even name them all I just got out of rehab too, do you have any drugs that I can take right now?… It’s hard huh to take judgment and crap from people who truly don’t know.. This world is so full of that it’s sad.

There are times where I can tell someone that my McKinley is autistic and they get it and they are so cool I want to take them home lol… and then there are times where I have to say more to someone who I don’t even know because they ask away… Yes I could just walk away and ignore the ignorance but I’m pretty down to earth and really try to give others even strangers a chance.. I’m not stupid and wouldn’t take the candy lol so don’t worry but I do try to let others may their way without shutting them down right away myself…

I know there will be more questions in the future from lots of people and even from myself and yes I will have to do my best and stay calm during those moments when I get asked a question that is not very nice…. I want her to see me setting a good example too, I know she lives in her own little world at times but she understand a lot more than she is given credit for and I need to lead by example.

If you are a parent of a child with disabilities and someone has made you feel like total crap inside with the questions they ask you, you are not alone and that awful person is the one who is not there in their head, they are the one who needs an evaluation in life.

It’s hard each day as a parent we struggle to make sure things are going smooth in our households… Don’t let the unkind words from someone who is uneducated and does not understand the beauty in this world bring you down. We need to be stronger than the weak ones in this world who do not understand life like we do… it will not be easy we will have our own break downs and it will be a roller coaster of sorts … but you can do this, you just have to survive each day and know that your child is in good hands…

I’m hard headed and strong willed and if you mess with me or my family I will let you have it, but I have learned a great deal of patience with my daughter and I really try to be reasonable…

The best piece of advice I can give any parent is that everyone is entitled to an opinion and at the end of the day it’s your opinion that will outweigh all the rest.

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2 thoughts on “Ask Away: To those on the outside who have the courage to ask the unthinkable…

  1. I find it’s best to tell people what they want to hear; at least you can get a laugh from their horrified look after you do so. For me it was two boys who always had a bruise or black and blue marks from some boyhood adventure.
    “He was bad and I punched him!” Was pure bull and a terrible answer, but earned me some classic responses worthy of the rudeness and judgmental finger pointing that provoked them. Our kids are the only ones whose opinions of us we should worry about and everyone else’s are pretty much insignificant.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes yes and yes again 🙌 I agree and love your response in so many ways. Feeding those with an answer that ends in amusement is most definitely a great way to end a conversation like that😊 and yes our children’s opinion is what counts.

      Liked by 1 person

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