Do you think about all those “What If” life moments. I know I do, and its sucks sometimes. I beat myself up thinking about the worst case scenario. I guess the good part of that is I have a game plan for just about anything. But overthinking things can really damage you in ways that you don’t even get until your sitting there feeling like a zombie with a brain full of mush.

I’ve got lots going on all the time and yes it’s draining. I even take my 30 min lunch time and go on at least a 2 mile run then haul ass back to work and eat a yogurt. No I’m not super mom, I’m not a bad ass I just want to do better. I have decided that from here on out I will live up to a better standard rather than stoop low. I will  try to rise above the mistakes I have made prior.

The struggle is real for those of us who have constant worries though, because we still have needs too. We want things in life but we also have things to take care of daily and asking for help isn’t always the option for some. I don’t hate help but I don’t like it either, help makes things messy for me. I have my way and I like that so I got this shit. Just be there to have a glass of wine with me when I have that moment of me time. That is the best form of HELP for me.

I worry about a lot of things, obviously this world has a lot of chaotic things taking place daily and that doesn’t help.  But I worry about her, my daughter. Will she have the support that she needs from either Insurance or Disability. We are both working full time parents who do our best without any hand outs, and shit folks its hard. But there are so many uncertain changes and it’s scary. So all those “What if” moments hit me and I think and I over think and now I’m reaching for my Excedrin and my head hurts lol.

Mondays suck and life isn’t easy but It could be worse and you have to think back to that ridiculous question… But did you die?

No! Rock on you got this then. It’s not meant to be easy we are not here to have a free ride, we are here to learn and have challenges and rise above. Do not let life suck you into any madness. I have a littler person who will always need help and always rely on me in ways that I never imagined. Yes knowing this really messes with my head but do I let those thoughts consume me and break me apart into someone that she doesn’t need….. No I will rise above that and take it and make it my own madness, a good madness in life.

You should challenge yourself to do something good for someone else. Even if it’s opening the door for that little old lady. Or seeing that person who looks so full of hate and giving them a compliment. And yes they can be a complete stranger…

Start each day being thankful for being able to open your eyes and see this world….

I had a lady tell me that I was a great mom the other day. I have never seen that woman before in my life. She asked me if McKinley was “special”, I told her that she was my hot little mess of amazing. She then told me that she could see how important she was and that she was beautiful. I thanked her and thought man why can’t more people be that nice and say things with such great meaning. Maybe I should do that and start with myself, The world is full of nice people it really is and I want to be one too.


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